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Our relationship with our body image can be so informative - if we listen
by Kate Sweeney
Body image, as I have described before, is a complex multidimensional construct. It involves perceptions, mood, affect and behaviors that are affected by our upbringing, environment, brain chemistry, level of nourishment and more.
What is a 'normal' body image experience?
What is your body image telling you?
Three ways to move forward
What is a 'normal' body image experience?
It is normal to not feel great about your appearance some days.
It is unrealistic to think that you will always feel great about your body’s appearance.
Let’s take a more benign example. You’re home sick with a cold, blowing your nose all the time and not able to do much except lay on the sofa and rest. You may look in the mirror and feel like you look horrible. That if your neighbor knocked on the door, you’d be embarrassed to open it. So, not a great body image day.
It is not unrealistic to treat your body with respect, despite not feeling good about it’s appearance.
Despite not loving how you feel you look in your body when you’re sick, you can still treat it with respect. You can drink fluids, eat, take medicine and rest.
When you feel better again, and are going about your normal routine you will feel totally different about your body’s appearance.
Body image is different from morning to night, day to day, week to week, month to month and year to year.
Everyone struggles with their body image. You are not alone.
You are also not responsible for your body image alone. The environment around us, from our friends and family to social media to our built environment, impact our body image.
Body image is not your ‘problem to solve’. It is a dynamic relationship.
You can feel more positive and accepting of your body’s appearance rather than negative or critical about it.
Today, I want to explore body image as a relationship you have. To do that, let’s ask the question:
What is your body image telling you?
This question can help you think deeper about body image and point you in a direction of what to do next.
I also acknowledge that sometimes, our body image may not telling us anything and there may be no underlying meaning to be made!
When we look in the mirror or put on clothes or eat with new people or sit next to someone on an airplane or go to the doctor or any other activity, we may not feel great about how we look.
We likely have thoughts and emotions that are present.
When this happens, is it possible to step back and ask yourself what is going on for you?
Some examples:
If you just had a baby or surgery or deal with a chronic illness and your body has changed, your body image may feel out of control. Is it possible you may feel out of control in other areas of your life? Do you have a hard time with boundaries? Do you feel unsure about how life may change in the future?
You started college and you’re eating a meal at orientation with new people. You’re focused on how horrible you feel your outfit is and how much you just ate. Is it possible you feel anxious in this new situation and body image is becoming the focal point?
If you notice your body changing during menopause and think ‘what will my friends think about my changing body? Will my partner still find me attractive?’, you may feel worry. Is it possible this could be indicative of a broader uncertainty about how you will relate to your friends or partner as you age?
3 Ways to Move Forward
Listen: Check in with yourself. What are the feelings and thoughts you’re having around body image? Is the situation you are in activating or bringing up emotions? What else may be going on for you?
Listening to your body image is the first step. Be curious and compassionate and notice what you are feeling and thinking.
Connect: Could your body image be more negative and the focal point to take the pressure off something else? If you notice there are factors at play that may be connecting to body image, what are these?
For instance, if you’re around new people and anxious, so ate more than normal and feel horrible about how you look, could it be that you feel vulnerable and awkward? Is your body image telling you that this is hard to meet new people?
Or did you just have a conversation with a parent, who told you they want you to lose weight and then you went and started body checking?
Make note of the challenges you are facing, and connect them to your body image when appropriate.
Do: Now that you notice your emotions and thoughts, and have a sense of the situation or context that feels difficult, can you do anything about it? Is it actionable?
For instance, if the next time you are going to meet new people, you need to prepare by having a snack so you’re not starving at the dinner and prepare a few opening questions to ask people, this may change how your body image shows up for you.
If you need to call your parent, and feel they may mention weight, can you plan to go out for a walk afterwards to decompress? Would setting a boundary around body talk with the parent be possible?
Also actionable is the question of how you treat your body with respect even if your body image is challenging.
You can engage in activities in which you feel connected to your physical body, like movement or painting. You can eat adequately. You can rest if you’re sick. You can sleep. You can feel the shower on your skin. You can still be embodied and not have a good body image day.
Closing Thoughts
Body image is a relationship we all have.
It is an ongoing relationship.
Just like any relationship, there are highs and lows. If we remain open and willing to learn about the relationship with our body image, we can have a healthier relationship with it.
We can have a more positive and nourishing relationship with our body image.
Listen, Connect, Do.
Resources:
Turk, F and Waller, G. 2020. Is self-compassion relevant to the pathology and treatment of eating and body image concerns? A systematic review and meta-analysis. Clinical Psychology Review. Vol 79. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2020.101856
Tylka, T and Wood-Barcalow, N. 2015. What is and what is not positive body image? Conceptual foundations and construct definition. Body Image. http://dx.doi.org/10.1016/j.bodyim.2015.04.001
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