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3 Ways to Respond to Body Talk
- Kate Sweeney
- Mar 14
- 5 min read
by Kate Sweeney
‘Take creatine every morning.’
‘Eat less so that you can fit into that swim suit.’
‘Eat more so you build muscle.’
‘I can’t believe I weigh this much. I’m so out of shape.’
‘You can’t be hungry, you just ate!’
‘You should exercise more, then you’ll feel better about yourself.’
I can imagine you hear these types of statements on social media and from friends, colleagues, parents, grandparents, medical providers and kids.
These statements are often due to the deliverer projecting on others, trying to provide reassurance or attempting to make money and gather followers.
Welcome to diet culture. The place where body becomes the focus to distract us from the uncertainty and discomfort around the things that actually matter to all of us.
Today, I will illustrate three ways you can handle these comments.
Who is the messenger?
Depending on where you hear the comment, you can have compassion for the person delivering the message and be annoyed, angry, frustrated or upset at the same time.
If someone is talking about food and body in a stigmatizing way, just think of what their internal dialogue may be and how they may be suffering or misinformed.
They also may be looking for camaraderie- you saying, ugh, I agree. Hooking onto their thought so they do not feel alone.
Or, they could be trying to provide reassurance. Especially, if it is your parent or caregiver and they don’t know what else to say.
They could also be a provider trying to help, and yet - what they are saying is not based in reality or science.
No matter the reason, remember that YOU do not need to hook to their thoughts. You can pause, use critical thinking, trust yourself and respond- if you have the energy.
3 Strategies to Respond to Body Talk
1. Divert.
This is when you may not know the person that much or you don’t have the energy to take on the comment head on.
Example: ‘Ugh, I do not want to go to the beach this summer in a bathing suit.’
Response: ‘Sorry to hear you are feeling this way. What beach do you like going to? I do enjoy getting into the ocean water in the summer.'
Example: ‘That cupcake is a million calories and I shouldn’t have eaten it.’
Response: ‘It must be hard you are feeling that way. Are the cupcakes made with strawberry frosting? I cannot believe how delicious that is. I will have to get the recipe.’
This option may seem awkward at first, and a bit short. Yet, in my experience, clients who have used it actually feel the conversation does move in a direction away from body.
2. Call it out and move on.
This is when you may know the person enough to take the comment on, and do not want to get too deep.
Example: ‘You’re hungry and eating already? Didn’t you just eat?’
Response: ‘Oh, man it stinks that we pay so much attention to food. Do you want to continue to chat about our holiday plans?’
Example: ‘You need to eat a cheeseburger, you need some meat on your bones.’ OR ‘Do you really need that cheeseburger? Aren’t you trying to lose weight?’
Response: ‘It sucks that as women we tear each other and ourselves down by equating food with how we look. Right?! Ugh, I wonder if we can try not to do that to each other and talk about something else?’
When you offer an alternative option, a choice, this opens up a pause. A decision. Do we want to continue to talk about body or just talk about something else?
3. Share your feelings and find a solution.
This is when you feel comfortable enough to tell someone how a comment makes you feel and create a solution.
Example: ‘We will all need to go for a long walk after this family meal. We ate too much!’
Response: ‘I know you love me, but when you say that we ate too much, it makes me feel guilty about my food intake. I know you’re not trying to make me feel that way. Maybe we could normalize overeating as part of normal eating and still go on that walk?’
Example: ‘You could really stand to lose some weight. Have you tried medication for weight loss?’
Response: ‘I know you care about me, but when you frame my weight as a problem, it makes me feel self-conscious. I feel like your love is conditional on my weight. I care about what you think about me, so it's hard to feel you may not approve of me based on weight. Could we not talk about weight as something that needs to be fixed or agree that our ideas about weight and ‘health’ are just different?’
Empathizing with the messenger and acknowledging their care can often open up a more productive discussion and even problem solve.
These conversations also help us put more of what we want to hear out into the world, modeling for others and set our own boundaries, when necessary.
Common Concerns
It is not uncommon for folks to feel uncomfortable responding to body talk because of fear of what the other person will think or concern it will negatively affect the relationship.
In my experience, clients who address body talk with their friends, family members, providers, colleagues and more actually find the other person often quite relieved that they are willing to talk about it.
Even if the person who is making the comments does not agree with the person receiving them, there can be an honest conversation and understanding about how the topic affects both individuals, and how to move forward.
We have so much more in common than we do have differences.
When we openly engage in challenging and responding to body talk, there is an opportunity to bond over the commonality we all have - living in diet culture and suffering as a result- and to create solutions that positively impact everyone.
Beyond Body Talk
When things are out of control and there is a lot of uncertainty, it makes total sense to find some level of stability and control.
This is where food and body, and even disordered eating, can be very helpful. We can control food and try to control body, even though the trade offs are not worth it.
You are not alone if you are worrying a lot about your body or make comments to yourself or others about body.
It is normal in our environment.
I encourage you to talk to someone about your body image concerns.
Consider when you feel the most in your body and when you feel the most connected with others. DO those things!
Embodiment is a step beyond body talk.
You can also consider what your body image is telling you.
Body talk distracts us from what is really important in life.
There is so much going on in the world. So much suffering and hardship along with joy and celebration.
When we reduce ourselves to projects that need to be worked on and we signal to others the same, we strip ourselves and others of our humanity.
Lets connect with ourselves and others in meaningful conversations about our bodies, and consider our actions that build on our shared values.
Closing Thoughts
While it may be hard to respond to body talk, doing so can free of us the chains of diet culture and weight stigma that we live in.
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